What have you been up to: 37 months

I haven't really felt like blogging recently, but now I have a brief burst of energy so I'll go for it!

Recently you have been even more fond of order than ever before, and that is saying something.  You have a very clear idea in your head of how things are supposed to be, or how they are supposed to happen, and have clear expectations that we "get" this immediately, even if it is a complete change to what used to happen...oh...say, yesterday morning.  Sometimes, words fail you and you can only manage an extremely disappointed "ohhhh" or, when very frustrated, yell "nooooooo" really loudly.
As I think I mentioned before, in general, if there is even a whiff of a suspicion that you are being manipulated into doing something, or just plain told to do something, then you balk like nobodies business. Sally at the Childrens House said she's seeing this side of you now (took a whole term!), which is a sign you are really comfortable there.

Your imaginary play is more and more elaborate, and the interest in music, fire and piers lives on.  You told me yesterday that you'd like your bedroom to be painted black, as that was the colour of burnt things, and you liked burnt things.

New sea defences at the beach - brutalist or what?!

You were also shocked to the core to hear Daddy and I were married - "When?! I didn't know!".  And then after mulling it over, you turned to me in complete confusion "But when did I get married?".


In other news, you've got chicken pox, but it doesn't seem to be bothering you too much at the moment. It does mean we have to stay away from people though.

 I'm not sure if I've had it, so hoping I don't catch it too.

Also, I'll be going part-time in work really soon - 2 days in London, and then one day at home until 3, so I can mind you after your Childrens House.  As you go to the Childrens House 3 days, we won't really miss out on seeing each other at all then, hooray!

And here are some more photos

River walk at Barcombe Mill

In da pub after the river walk

On the carousel at the beach - I was too scared to sit on the outside!

An extremely rare photo of the 3 of us

Love Mam x

Reasons not to go to bed No 1,004

Tonight. 

Bay's bedroom.

Bay: Stay here!

Daddy: How long for then Bay?

Bay: 2 minutes

Daddy: OK

(2 minutes later...)

Daddy: Right then Bay, off to bed, I'm off now.

Bay: But WHY?

Daddy: The 2 minutes are gone now

Bay: But I wanted 3 minutes

Daddy: But we agreed 2 minutes, Bay

Bay: But Mammy said a girl can change her mind....

Holiday!

There was a holiday feeling here at home today.  I started a week off work and you are on your two week Easter break from the Montessori.
You love painting your hands and arms at the moment - with markers, glue, paint....

So to celebrate, I set up a "chair dancing" painting activity from MaryAnn Kohl's fantastic book  "First Art for Toddlers and Twos" so you could get paint on your feet for a change.

Well, it started with you sitting on the chair, dipping your feet in paint and "dancing" your feet on a long length of paper to one of your favourite songs. But you were never going to stay sitting down...

It ended like this....

 "Look at my footprints.  Look at my handprints Mammy!".

 "It's so slippery Mammy, hold my hand!".














"Can I put it in my hair Mammy?!"

"I  NEED orange, Mammy!"

"Help.  HELP!"

And then when you had enough, it was off up to the bath for a long soak, some grapes and tea (well, just for me).
Our kind of afternoon.
Happy Holidays!
Love Mam x

Ghent

We went to Ghent this month, as it was our birthday and it was time for a trip together. This was our first weekend away from Bay, who stayed home with her Nanny Linda and Grandad Rob.

Even though she had a great time, she did inform us on returning "I would have come with you, y'know".

It was really exciting heading off on the Eurostar from London. I was fascinated by what Flanders would hold it store.


It was everything I thought it would be and more.  Fascinating Flemish language, bikes everywhere, amazing medieval buildings interspersed with beautiful modern architecture, lots of vegetarian restaurants, pedestrianised centre and a river running through it.

Strolling around there is very relaxed. There are very few other tourists as they are all in Bruges (a half hour away). And the Old Town is so atmospheric.

It's a really stylish place, but the people are so warm and unpretentious.

It has radical roots - Ghent was the largest city outside Paris in the Middle Ages, and Ghent merchants gaining privileges and freedom from the nobility, Ghent citizens fought back against the Roman Emperor Charles V (and lost), and socialism and trade unions took root there in the early part of the 20th century. 

It still feels like there's a strong streak of radicalism there  - there seems to be great sense of community, alternative schools,vegetarianism, and environmentalism.  It's a university town, including a music conservatory (I think one of the few places you can study third level jazz).  I think there is lots of live music there, but we spent so much time eating, we missed out on that. 

We stayed in Tom's place, which had a huge bath and simple but beautiful 50s decor.  It was stylish in a very relaxed homely way. Tom himself was so enthusiastic about the place that it was infectious, and he served up a great breakfast, with LPs playing in the background.And they have a ten day festival in July which is mainly free!

The downside was those grey heavy Flemish skies...but that was strangely beautiful and suited the city so much.

I will definitely go back.  Maybe some July...

What have you been up to: Happy 3rd Birthday!

You've turned three!

In the three years you've been here, you've out a smile on my face every day, no word of a lie.
March is our month of birthdays as we all have our birthdays in March.  It's a great month. 

Snuggles with Daddy on his birthday

We planned a trip to a farm the weekend of your birthday but on the day it was raining and bitterly cold, and that day we just didn't feel like that kind of weather on a farm....so we had a little party with Chloe's family instead.  On your actual birthday you insisted on going to Montessori to see your friends.  I would have liked to spend the day together, but it was your choice so off you went (and I was happy for you). There you got to do the  Montessori birthday time line ceremony, share some raw chocolates (wow, who knew these would be so good?) and show photos of when you were younger, which must have been meaningful. We also went to the Science Museum in London (note to self - avoid London museums after a night out in London - 100s of kids together in an enclosed space plus fuzzy head...arghhhh)

One of your favourite books at the moment.  A grim read. 

Lately you've been telling even more elaborate stories. You told a great one about  all the things that keep you awake at night - dramatic things like explosions of glass going up into the sky and owls with "big glowing eyes" and storms.  Sounded a bit scary, but in the end they all had a party together so it must have been ok.

You are coming into bed with us every night, loving dancing (a new development), "skipping", very interested in fire still, puzzles (a 60 piece giant one even - you have great concentration).

A birthday present from Nanny Linda

Barefoot running at the Museum

 You're having some very big emotions, lashing out a little, felt a bit insecure once or twice and saying some very grown up things like "what happens when you die?"  I've done some more research on how to deal with the big emotions, and hope to do a post soon.

You still like to say the opposite of what we might expect you to say sometimes (Like deciding to mix up your colours).  You imitate us through your actions, yet verbally you take a different view point often, sometimes to be funny but often to just let us know you're not us but different.Daddy brought you to gymnastics a couple of times, and said you liked it (though spent much of the time hanging back observing).  I'd like you to be involved in something physical, and gym seems good for little ones. I think we'll hold off on the organised classes for whole though - free exploration seems more useful right now.

Love Mam x

Foam pit- I want to jump in there!

On the eve of your third birthday - Hold on

Older than time
Only three years old

Perfectly herself
Her Being

Flows

Through her veins
Her life force pulses 

So strong 
So tangible

I could grasp it

And reshape it
In my image

Wipe out
The bumps, the cracks, the holes
The excesses

The person

Her light 
So bright at this age
So close to the source
Shining like a beacon
Illuminating the true path

Almost blinding my myopic eyes

I could cast my shadow
Or veil it

Dim it

Her stubborn fierceness

Crashes into me

Unyielding
I resist

Her sweet smile stretches
Exposing bared teeth

Telling me"Me, my Self
I will
Prevail"

I know
She won't go quietly

Thank God
For this


My ancient child
My wise companion

Hold on

In this wonderful world

Hold on

With a grip so tight

Hold on.

Love Mam x

Build yourself a new Status Quo

 “Whether you think you can, or you think you can't-you're right.”― Henry Ford

You wouldn't tell her she can't, so why tell yourself?

As I rushed around getting breakfast the other morning I heard a brief snippet about status quo bias on Radio 4.

Do you know what that is? It's a human tendency to stick with what you know and not make any changes that might lead to a better future.  Some think it is due to a fear that sometime in the future you might regret that decision to change. 

Yeah that's right.  It's not based on anything real or certain, but on something we don't even know.    Even though we do know that things could be better.

We all know people who just can't seem to make the changes they need 
 to make their life better. It seems so obvious to us what they should do, but inexplicably they just don't act. 

I know one of these people verrrry well.  

Myself.

I think I need to look at this a bit deeper.  Figure out what's been going on. 

Let's look at my thought processes logically.

My Status Quo Bias

 Status quo: A bit crap.  

Decision to be made: to change something or to leave things as they are.

Decision-making process:
What is certain?:  Things are crap.  Could be better.  Won't be unless there is a change.

What is uncertain?: Might possibly regret the change in the future.

Final Assessment: "Hmmm, things aren't great, changing things could totally transform my life and my family's life.  Oh, this is a lovely dream that could so be reality. I could even make things better for the wider world!
But. On the other hand I might regret it.  Yeah, y'know crap is looking like where it's at for me right now. Don't change a thing, stick to what you know hon."

Decision taken: change nothing
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My decision just does not look logical or rational at all, does it?  It doesn't even look realistic, and this is one thing I've always prided myself on being.

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So far I've only dreamed of a life that seems impossible.

One filled with art,creativity and joy.
One that is meaningful, and deeply fulfilling.

God,  even a life that isn't full of stuff I don't want to do.

My dream life might be challenging, might be a struggle.
But in a good way, know what I mean?

My dream life is being lived by others. 

But not me.

And who is stopping me living it?

Again, me. 

I come up with all kinds of reasons not to live that life. I've listed them below.  But this time, I've kicked back at myself.

The berating
Be grateful for what you've got, you'd be stupid to give it up
You'd never be able to do it anyway.
Who are you to think you can be successful at something else? 

Kickback: go away meanie, I don't believe you.

The fearful
Stick with that safe job, you might never find another one
What if this is the best it gets?
What if I regret changing things and it's too late to change my mind?
What if I fail?
What if I succeed [and hate it] [or it's too much to commit to]?

Kickback: what if it's the best thing you've ever done, or y'know, just a teeny bit better than what you have now?


The so-called "realistic"
It's too late
You're too old
You missed your chance
If it ain't broke, don't fix it
When in doubt, do nothing
You've a secure job, why rock the boat?

Kickback: How can you be "realistic" about something you have never even tried?

The excuses
I've no time
I need money
My child is too young
It's not the right time, I'll do it later
I don't live in the right place
I don't have space
Etc.

Kickback: yeah yeah, join the club girl.  And use what you have got. Now. Go on.

The negative comparisons
Other people are better
Other people have more opportunity
Other people have more time, money, no children, help with children, older children
Other people have support
Other people are better at networking/making friends

Kickback: the difference between you and those people is they thought it was possible.  Time you did too girl.

Who the hell would want to change anything looking at that list of admonishments, perceptions and dire predictions? My status quo has such a strong pull....but I have an idea....

If I can't beat this status quo bias, I'm going to join it. Sure I can kickback, but that's not enough.

I'm going to just DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT. And lo and behold I'll have me a whole new status quo.

And you? How's your status quo?  Would you like to change it? If so....

BRING IT ON!

Inspired by Lori's blog and this post.